The majestic llama

The most misunderstood camelid on the planet.

With their bifurcated toe and propensity to spit, the llama is arguably the finest of all mammals.

Walk into any British pub these days and you’ll find that almost no one is talking about llamas. We think this is a disgrace. Llamas have been around for millions of years yet barely are they acknowledged day-to-day.

To that end, we have compiled a few llama facts for you, of which we’re sure you were not aware. Now you can astound and amaze your family and friends with your llama knowledge.

  1. Ginger is poisonous to llamas.
  2. The llama is the first mammal to be mentioned in the bible.
  3. Llamas cannot swim.
  4. Jimi Hendrix owned three llamas all named Keith after his friend Keith Moon.
  5. During periods of extreme stress, a llama’s eyes can move independently of one another.
  6. If you rub an onion on a llama’s back, it will become anosmic for 12 hours.
  7. Llamas can hold their breath for up to 24 minutes.
  8. In Peru, the llama is responsible for more deaths than the motorcar.
  9. There are over 4,000 varieties of llama.
  10. Llamas cannot walk backwards.
  11. The Veresian llama lays eggs.
  12. Llama milk is so high in cactus peyote extract that just two pints can cause hallucinations.
  13. The collective noun for llamas is a ‘conclusion of llamas’.
  14. Llamas can live up to 200 years.
  15. In Greek, “llama” literally translates as “mad stretched horse with tiny brain”.
  16. The pygmy llama is about the size of a cat.
  17. Llamas only have one lung.
  18. The bones of a llama contain more nitrogen than a bag of nitrogen.
  19. In 1972, Professor David Reading taught a llama to say “polymorphic”.
  20. Measles can be fatal to llamas if untreated.

So, how do you calm a llama?

Llama calming has remained a mysterious gift possessed only by those individuals who have a true affinity with the llama.

Unlike tapir taming, the llama’s unique temperament has garnered them a deserved reputation for sociopathic behaviour. To this day the arcane art of llama calming remains a closely guarded secret.

And to clear up any confusion, an Alpaca is a different species.

Alpacas? Don’t get us started on Alpacas. They’re rubbish.